Kata-kata aku mungkin bukanlah bak seorang pujangga yang sedang berbunga hatinya ..

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Hati sudah mereput

Dan apabila lagu jiwang mula berkumandang pada tengah malam tapi langsung tak sentuh hati dan perasaan kau. 

Apa hati betul dah kering ke?

Umur baru nak cecah 25 tahun takkan dah nak give up macam tu aje? 

Setakat baru sekali dua tertikam, takkan dah kecundang? Doa yang baik2 ajelah untuk masa depan. Emak ayah pon makin menaik umurnya. Takkan nak biar dorang kesunyian tanpa merasa tahap kegembiraan atas satu level lagi. 

Insyaallah kalau ada ketentuan tu maka adalah tu.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Im giving up

I am so tired and i feel like quitting now. Help :(

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Job

Can i quit? Can i quit already? Is it too early to quit? I dont think i can face all these shits anymore. I am afraid. 

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Why me why now

It really hurt deep inside, deep inside my heart. It feels like someone is slashing my heart using a knife. No kidding. 

I wonder if i really dont deserve to feel happy, to be a happy person. I wonder.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Sayonara wa nani????

ITadi hati tiba2 rasa sayu. Sayu bila buat keje stalking aku tu. Duk stalk twitter so called awek adik mun yang jiwa kini tengah meronta sebab anwar (adik mun) baru je berlepas ke Japan untuk melanjutkan pembelajaran. Sedih kan? Sedih ngenangkan orang yang kita sayang, pergi jauh dari kita. Kalau boleh, nak selalu ada depan mata, duk sebelah, saling berpandangan dan berbincangkan mengenai kisah hati. Gitu. Kahkah 

Tak, persoalan dia dekat sini, betul sedih? Betul? Jauh dalam sudut hati, aku sangat2 harap, budak perempuan ni dapat rasa saat ditinggalkan mun, bukan untuk beberapa bulan macam anwar, tapi untuk selamanya. Nak sangat2 dia rasa. Kejam tapi itulah hakikatnya. 

Btw aku kejam aku tahu aku selfish aku tahu. Last weekend dia ajak aku teman untuk ke sana ke sini tapi aku tolak atas alasan peribadi. Myself comes first gitu. Apa2 pon, thanks for the time, for the efforts to gather before you fly off. 


Semoga maju jaya di negara idaman aku. Untuk merealisasikan impian tak tercapai aku dia kata. I know you can do it and i know you can do it. Make you parents proud and make yourself proud. 

Ganbatte!!! 


Monday, December 12, 2016

Mun, i miss you and i will always miss you

Mun, how are you, mun? Im doing well up here mun. You know what? My overthinking went nuts last two night when your mom was talking about other thing but i replied your mom with totally different answer. Hahha nevermind. 

Mun nak bagitahu.. Aku pergi kenduri kahwin abang kau haritu. That was a really simple but lovely wedding mun. How i wish you were there as well. Mata aku merayap seakan membayangkan kau sama berada di majlis tu. Aku terlalu rindukan kau. Ada orang tanya mak kau, bakal menantu ke tu? Dengan selamba mak kau jawab, kawan azhar tu, tapi azhar dah takde so ni kira anak angkat la ni, kannn? Sambil mak kau senyum kt aku. Terima kasih makcik, at least aku tak rasa sendirian. Tenkiu jugak pada adik kau yg lovely jugak tu. Lepas makan, rasa taknak balik, tenang je kenduri tu, aimi pulak sib baik sporting, dia kata takpe duduk lelepak sini lelama pon takpe. Indeed, my mind was thinking about you every single second, that night. Ayah kau handsome mun. Hahaha sempat aku usha. 

Abang kau time amek gambar dengan dia haritu, dia sempat bisik, ada masa pergilah ziarah ye. Insyallah bang. 

Thanks for the invite ya! 


Mun kau tengoklah aku dah gemuk sehhh!

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Mun's home

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah and thank you for your time anwar. I never ever thought i would ever step into your house, mun. I miss you. I kinda miss you. Thank you for your adik. Dapat jugak hilang rindu. Walau tak dapat ganti kau, tapi serba sedikit aku hilangkan rindu aku pada kau. Walau rindu dah tak sekuat waktu kau pergi dulu.. Jangan risau kau selalu ada dalam diri aku. Nasib time mak kau cite sume pasal kau, aku dah watlek je. Bukan apa, memang kering habis dah air mata haha lejen sungguh. But deep inside my heart i really really reeeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy wish you were here, with me and with your brother. 

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Life is unfair

I was told by almost everyone before to choose my words wisely before i speak. And yeah basically when you were warned several times about it im sure you will be more careful la kan. But what if people dont use their proper words or suitable words when theyre talking to me? How should i response to this kind of people? Life is so unfair. World is so unfair. 




Saturday, September 19, 2015

Hired

Alhamdulillah to rezeki Allah yang tidak berbelah bahagi. Kalau tak reti nak bersyukur lagi tak tahu lah. Cuma nak minta satu perkara dalam diri, jangan pergi terlampau jauh dari tempat pasal takut sesat tak jumpa jalan pulang.

Cerita gembira ni biar aku kongsi dengan orang yang sudi jelah.
Kalau yang tak sudi tu takpe. Biarlah nak cakap aku peghak ke berlagak ke besar kepala ke apa ke sebab aku tahu kaki aku pijak kt tanah tang mana. Kalau betul aku macam tu, bagitahu aku tang mana sebab aku betul2 nak tahu yang mana aku berlagak sangat tu.

Aku tahu aku mengaku lately aku macam agak rebel agak susah nak dihandle but as long as aku tahu batas, then no one can stop me. fullstop. Yela mungkin dari sini kot orang kata aku besar kepala. Tapi kalau aku macam tu pon mungkin sebab korang yang buat aku macam tu. Honestly.

Entah lantak situlah sedih tu.

Friday, August 28, 2015

final result. final result.

Wow the pain is real.
You know you are in trouble when you realized that some shits just get real out of blue.
I don't know why Im being so rebellious these days.

Whatever it is, my degree's results were out last Friday. I'm afraid. but its just too late to regret. Although I wasn't THAT surprise when I saw the results, but nah.. never thought this thing could affected me as I just found that I would lost my appetite when I am stress.

Entahlah. Penat bermain dengan emosi. I am happy but at the same time, I am fucking lonely. No words could describe how I really feel right now. Entahlahhhhh

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Kalau nak, tulis!

Comel, muka suka senyum, humble, selamba, tidak berpura, suka kanak-kanak, penyayang, tinggi dan tidak gemuk tidak kurus, bersungguh dalam melakukan sesuatu perkara, boleh masuk lawak sama sekepala, menerima seadanya, simple.

SIMPLE.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

29 July - 3 years

You know you're doing fine when you're surrounded by the people you love.
Although sometimes things are in a tight situation but you know these people still can make you smiles more than anything or anyone else.

Well basically 3 days has passed to the date that never failed to be running in my mind since 3 years back. But frankly speaking la, when I heard about him, when I read things related to him, I couldn't feel the pain anymore, so I guess its a good thing la because I know it is a sign that I have moved on from my past. Alhamdulillah. 

Mimpi apatah, Just now I googled back his old blog and read all those posts by him.









Nampak tak? This post has been haunted me since he posted these things. Why? That is because before he posted this thing, I also had posted something about him.. This is like his reply haaaaa. Apa2 jelah. Haha well raya haritu I had 3days in a row conversation with his little brother and I did ask him a favor to bring me to visit his 'place'. Insyaallah later k. 

Till then.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

bulan

Mengapa kau jugak yg aku rindu?
Walau sudah ku tahu kau takkan kembali. selamanya.
Apa susah samgat untuk kau melepaskan aku untuk aku kembali genggam perasaan aku yang dulu?

wah

Saturday, June 13, 2015

hiatus

In order to get what I want, all i gotta to do is to doa and write in a piece of paper.
I want this, i want that, i want him, i want everything.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Dull weekend

And i think im falling in love. Im in love with him and its been awhile since i last felt this way.
I know I shouldnt feel this way. I know I shouldnt have any feeling to someone..like..right now, especially to him.

But, I cant help it.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

What

What a day. Went to JB to accompany my boss to make a final check of the booths and etc for tomorrow(today) event. The journey took 4 hours to drive down to jb and more than 5 hours to go back in Shah Alam. And we arrived shah alam almost 10pm. My boss did say be careful to me. Then i decided just to drive by myself as my dad was offering to pick me up and leave the car there but i refused  cause i dont wanna trouble him. Then i was driving like usual. After toll subang, i press the pedal like usual then suddenly i was out of control and the car was out of control then dang!!!! Habis cabut apa semua number plat. I was lucky as there wasnt any car or motor near me so i was just berpusing syok sendiri and lucky cars behind me sempat brake. I was so panicked then two of te car begind me stopped to help. I was shaking terribly then they ask if im okay or not and the condition of the car. I said i was okay but i have no idea about the car. That handsome brader helped me to check over the car and said its okay to me and everything is alright. I was so dang relieved that i was okay and it is just the car la tapi nasib tak teruk. Apa2 po, memang baik hatilah warga malaysia ni.. Sampai dia kereta tau yg stop dan untuk tolong. Amek sebagai pengajaran ye leha.. Next time jangan bawak laju sebab hanya kelajuan dan kelicinan jalan tu yang sebenarnya yg buat jadi centu. Sekian. Alhamdullilah for this test from Him. 







Saturday, March 28, 2015

In to the tern to the ship

Ternyata senyumannya sahaja yang menggoda jiwa.
Yang selebihnya, aku maafkan diri aku sebab lepas baca introduction dan chapter 1, aku skipped second chapter dan lompat kepada dua chapter kedepan.

Maigod Leha.


Alhamdulillah dah genap sebulan aku buat latihan industri dekat company tu.
Orang-orangnya baik2 belaka especially my boss yang tak pernah pinggirkan dan sentiasa nak aku get involved in every activities in the company. Sebab department aku department handle media, handle event dan itu ini dalam company tu maka maksudnya agak aktif. Dan dari situ terbuka peluang untuk aku tengok sendiri macamana every procedure atau process dalam company itu, gittew.

Dalam sebulan, rasanya lebih 10 meeting dah aku attend. Dengar meeting macam biasa2 kan, tapi no, every meeting berbeza. Ada yang brainstorm, ada yang just nak briefing pasal future project, dan yang paling awesome aku pernah attend was meeting untuk setel internal crisis within the company. Yang tambah awesomenya aku selalu duduk dekat meja dimana yang dah lebih berpengalaman dari aku, duduk belakang aku. Kah kah motif.

Kalau dari segi kerja pulak, well aku terpaksa mengaku yang I am bad in writing. Since aku join under media, aku diberi tugas untuk buat media invitation, press release.. Ya, walaupun lepas aku buat, hanya lebih kurang 20% sahaja penulisan aku akhirnya yang digunakan oleh assistant manager itu, namun, aku terpaksa mengaku mengalah dan segala meng yang aku kene work harder. Mana taknya, major subject aku manede menulis dan tak pernah menulis. Ha ha ha mula dari bawah leha. Pergi belajar! Takpe, aku ambil tu semua sebagai ilmu berharga. At least, aku tahu serba sedikit erti kehidupan sebenau! Kehkeh

Friday, March 6, 2015

I think I like you

Ok now I know why that guy said that thing through his blog.
Now I know. Yes i got this.

Suka dan Cinta sangat subjektif.
I could feel it right now. I like that one guy. Maybe because of his attitude, his kindness, the way he treats people, the way he says hello when he picks up the phone, the way he talks to people, the way he eats, the way he smiles at me. I like you. More than you will ever know.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

crac-k.

There is nowhere no run I have no place to go,
surrender my heart and soul.

Lonely, is this the feeling I have to walk with?
Cant i be in the place where you are now, can i?
Ive got no choice.

internananana

Well yeah Im back.
Basically, I have got the place for my internship. Yes. I have started working in this one company since last monday. I wonder why I refused to tell my friends of my company's name. Ha ha i dont know, its just like my results where i would ensure nobody would know about my results even if they are my parents.

Well, how was your past 3 days? It went well. It is just im not that confident yet with the things that im doing now. Its all about adaptation. Before I learn and do the tasks that i'll be given soon, I hope i will first learn on how to adapt with my environment and people around it. It is so sick to be in a group of people but you are the only person who is sitting in the chair like a silent people. its like me and the chair has no difference. Its sick, seriously. I dont wanna step out of the company with a no-no intern. Im so frustrated and dissapointed with myself. I really hope to be more outspoken and being the real me. Haihh hope things will get easier sooner or later. Amin insyaallah.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Cause you werent there when i needed you the most so dont expect the same.
I am mad!

Sunday, February 15, 2015

so much blessed

I really really feel like talking to him now but it feels like the chances are zero since im the one who betrayed him. I told him lies, I gave him fake promises so there is no use to feel regret right now.


Whatever it is, I am soooo grateful right now! Big big big thanks to the one up there, because I know, without His blessing I wouldnt be where I am today, i feel like crying! I feel so grateful so awesome as I've been offered to undergo my internship at this one company in Shah Alam! Haihhhh life was hard before I receive this offer, thought that no company would ever give me chances and help me with my practical program! Hahha I feel so blessed, thank you Allah! Of course, im so friggin nervous right now, If I could die, I would die of this nervousness! For sure, this feeling is happens to everyone but im at my limit already i think. im just hoping that I could awesomely face what should I face soon.


Still, I hope we can talk again soon. Take care.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

In the end, to Him we shall return..

Malaysia has a sad today.

Two souls have been taken away. Two great souls. Yes, indeed, every soul shall taste death. Innalillahiwainailaihirojiun. Setiap yang bernyawa pasti ada penghujungnya, tak kira apa, manusia, haiwan atau tumbuhan. Takut. Bila dengar ada dua kematian orang terkenal dalam Malaysia ni, tipulah kalau tak sebak pasal kali ni kita letak tepi ketidaksefahaman politik tapi apa2 pon semoga kedua-duanya ditempatkan dalam kalangan orang2 yang beriman dan beramal soleh. Time kita belum tentu lagi, semoga dimatikan dalam husnul khotimah. Amin.

Bila kematian ni dihebahkan, itu adalah peringatan untuk yang hidup ni. Baru nak buat benda jahat terus delete terus cancel bai. Haha. Bukan apa, takut tak sempat taubat mati bukan kira siapa, bila, muda tua, kt mana, macamana sume. Baca surat khabar tadi, berapa banyak kematian, kalau tak terbukak hati ni tk tahu la kan. Haha siapa tak takut mati beb. Kalau ada yg tak takut tu ha mai datang sini ajar sikit cemana. haaa nak masuk intern pon aku pikir nyawa ni macam nak tinggal separuh dah haaa.. haihh mintak yang baik2 aje untuk aku, mak ayah, keluarga dan semua.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

scariest thing on earth

OMG!
I feel like crying out loud cos I never thought that the world could be as scary as a ghost, as scary as an injection, as scary as a cockroach and any other things that Ive been feared since I was born!

Haihhhhhhhhhhhhh...

I am so scared to face the future me!
I just want the february to stop as my practical basically would start on March!
To be honest, I have not guts at all to face the company, the people, the department, and everything!
Such a drama queen but who cares because that is exactly things that are currently running through my head! Sick! >.<

Positive vibes I need some dose of positive vibes!!!!!!

Chill la leha. Chill la >.<

Saturday, January 31, 2015

22



As you can see from my phone's wallpaper, its 31st January again! haha
So much blessed from the one up there.
Thank you Allah for giving me so much opportunities and chances for me to continue my life, you gave me the direction of my life.
Today, I've just turned 22 years old with great health, happiness, surrounded by loved ones, families friends foes(eh), and my achievements so far and many more you name it!

Thank you so much to my family especially my big sister for buying me a birthday cake. Yes of course Im the one who demanded for a cake but thnks for granted it for me because for me birthday should be celebrated with a cake! Woke up with a smile, woke up with a cuit kt hidung by puan emak. Ahh! I wanted today to be forever. Ewah!


 Cake is a must! Thank you big sister, it was so delicious I can kerai yo!


went to paradigm mall and Kaklin treat me this! So delishhh i wanna kerai twice!


Edited my by classmate! Azwan!


A post in Ig by Farhana! loves!


Another post by Amirah! So much loves!


sent by my unesco buddy!


No words could describe how I wanna thanks you guys. You guys did great! From voice notes in whatsapp, facebook, twidder, instagram, wechat, I love chu guys!! Yang doakan panjang umur itu terima kasih, yang doakan dipercepatkan jodoh itu terima kasih, yang doakan sentiasa mendapat rahmat Allah itu terima kasih, yang doakan itu dan ini TERIMA KASIH!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Haih?

'Love dies, you know?'

' I dont care if you fall in love but just avoid human because they will die and that's the end of them' 'It is too depressing'  HAHA  a dialogue from GEGEGE no Kitaro movie. That was a line from a father to his son which both of them are monsters. Haha I found it funny that I have to put the line here.

Ma ma ma..

Haihhh I dont know but right now Im mentally exhausted. Really exhausted. So deep. The pain is so deep. I guess I just need to find some peace in order to move into another chapter in a book of my life. Somehow I feel like giving up my life. Its not like I wanted to kill myself, die, then live happily ever after, it is just that I feel like I wanted to coop up myself in a small room and do absolutely nothing! I dont wanna face the world and such..But when I think again, I thought that how stupid I am, right. No matter what, I have to face all these things, I have to grow up and create some more dramas. Ha ha ha. So complicated. I just need some dose of positive spirits from people. Ah! I think it is time for some to come and cure my fears, am i wrong? Ha ha ha again. heh just keep pushing to your limit ok leha.

The world can be so mean, sometimes. Haih so much sighs is the only thing I could do right now. Haihhhh drama again.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Here is to the girl who is about to move on..

Kahkah oklah lets find a topic. Well now is a semester break but nah im a bit confused and awkward to call this as semester break coz when next semester begins then I am no longer need to attend classes or do things I used to do but yeah whatever it is, its time to find a place for internship! Well, I did underestimate intership as i thought it was an easy job to find one but i guess i was wrong. Never thought that seeking for internship placement is as hard as to find a BOYFRIEND! Ha ha ha that aint funny, leha! How could you compare your LI to your future boypreng, leha! XD XD XD

Ok ok leha its time to be serious. To my future company, I dont care what kind of company your are, where your company at, and how much allowance you can pay me, as long as you can save a place for me, that is more than enough! Ah how I wish i am still in my elementary year. I cant wait for this internship but at the same time its freaking creepy. But i really hope next time when I open a new topic in this blog, I already been hired by a company, OK?

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

suki kana kirai kana

So it looks like my love cannot even been improved though how hard im trying, and maybe I should just move forward...


But,













Just like you,

I really want to laugh with him too.

T_T

Arghh what a pain!
This is one of the reasons why I hate to watch love story movie.
This feeling would haunted me again and my heart would also started to feel kucha-kucha.
Mendokusai na!

STOP AND GET BACK TO YOUR STUDY!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Acting all cool

Tadi tengok balik cerita last cinderella dimana lead actor dia buleh tahan gak la miura haruma. Apa yang terkilan? Kahkah dalam drama tu banyak betul scene lucah scene atas katil miura dengan perempuan. Tak tahu lah hati nak hancur macamana sebab dah sah2 la dia tu kafir( kahkah -.-) and bukannya aku buleh kahwin dengan dia pon. TAPi! Sila paham tapi aku ye. Aku yang dah hidup dengan cerita jepon sejak aku sekolah rendah sampailah sekarang ni.. Aku membesar dengan miura sejak dia 1st berlakon sebagai bebudak2 dulu and now aku kene hadap scene dia atas katil?! Nampak tak dia punya culture shock dekat situ? Kahkah tapi lagi sedih rasanya kalau aku kene hadap kau bercinta bertahun2, then kejinjang pelamin dan akhirnya saksikan kau kendong anak dengan perempuan yang kau sayang? Ahhh pedih dia perit dia yang atas sana je yang boleh faham au. Hakikat hidup yang kejam. Nak buat macamana, telankan aje dan teruskan hidup. Sebab apa? There's always second chance and if we're fated to meet, we'll meet okeh? Serahkan aje kerja itu pada Allah.